Greetings golfers,

The wanderer has returned, Elvis is back in the building and the eagle has most definitely landed. My able assistant Stuart has kept you all entertained with his wonderful humour and now it's back to my bargain basement humour. Spam filters are on high alert with news of my return and the pound has dropped further into the mire. Whilst over in Dubai I was shocked to see, on the Hotel Desk, a list of exchange rates, a "Scottish Pound" and "British Pound" rate. The Scottish rate was a good bit less than the English one I may add. When I informed the receptionist of this inaccuracy, she pointed out that Scotland was in fact an Island off the coast of London. So that cleared everything up.


 

The Holiday

The holiday was epic, even though it was 48 degrees and during Ramadan. The Bell's enjoyed some sunshine and relaxation over the 10 days. There were some high points and there were some low points. I tried to play golf in the extreme heat but only mustered 16 holes each time. It was very much like a scene from Lawrence of Arabia minus the camels and Peter O'Toole. I could have been up for an Oscar as I draped myself over my buggy pleading for water, only to be told by my friend that it was in the ice box next to my head. Another shock that took me by surprise was when I ordered 2 strawberry slush from the pool bar. I knew from living in Dubai that things were pretty pricey, so I factored in an average expected cost of double. Again I found myself in need of CPR when the lovely chap from behind the bar asked me for the equivalent of £17. I obviously thought that I had inadvertently ordered a slush for everyone at the bar but no it was just the two. I obviously wanted these two Royal Slushes to last the boys, so every so often I just topped them up with some of the pool water and they lasted the day! Please don't call Social Services as I am not that bad a human being! 

   

Some of you may know that I have my fair share of lookalikes form the world of entertainment and even after a long flight I was again mistaken for someone. I was minding my own business on an extremely hot sun lounger when I noticed some Indian workmen staring and pointing at me. After checking that I hadn't forgotten to put my trunks on, one of them approached me and asked how my cricket was. At this point I understood how disappointed they would all be when I told them that I wasn't actually Kevin Petersen! So being the nice guy that I am, I told them that I had hit a couple of boundaries the day previous and their eyes lit up. Technically I wasn't lying as I had indeed tested my marriage boundaries by being out quite late watching football with my friend and subsequently not being able to make breakfast. I think we have all been there and I will leave it at that. The holiday was ace and I am glad to be back.

   


 

Who Is Going To Win The Open?

This is where I stick my neck on the line and give you my BELLBET tips for the Open. I always have a soft spot for the smashers of the Golf Ball and I have backed Dustin for years, well up until he actually won a major. I have a funny feeling that we will have an outsider winner at Troon like we had in 2004 but as gambling is not an exact science, please don't bet your house on these tips.

Each way bets -

Nicolas Colsaerts
Marc Warren
Richie Ramsay 
Soren Kjeldsen 

Winner - 

Henrik Stenson
Rory McIlroy


 

Divoting Party

I have been to many parties in my life but this was my first "Divot Party". There was no punch or Twigglets, just sand and seed. To be fair, I would rather eat sand than Twigglets. 

We had 12 wonderful volunteers and my tall self. The 12 were fine specimens and we went to work on the nasty divots. I employed the "shake n vac" method whilst most adopted the slap and stamp system whilst filling the divots. It was really good to see members coming together for the good of the club and something that we should do more often. If you have any other ideas on how we could improve the club, then please drop me a line. I am always up for a party!

The Mexican Bandit 

In recent weeks I have had someone putting in a phantom "old 5 pence" in place of a 10 pence in the Saturday sweep and now we have a bandit throwing in some Mexican Pesos instead of a £2 coin. So if you've just come back from Mexico then I have you in my sights!


 

Any Old Shirt Will Make You £10

I really do give you more deals than you could shake a stick at and, just like Justin Timberlake, I am bringing sexy back with this offer. 

You can bring me a shirt from 1950, or a shirt with more holes than Swiss Cheese, and I will give you £10 (Scottish or British) off of any shirt in-store. 

We have a great range of shirts in stock, so bring me your worst and I will make you look your best!

Click here to find out more about our fantastic shirt ranges.